It's almost Christmas...just two days away and honestly, I don't feel like being festive. I am going through A LOT these past weeks and as much as I want to say I am okay, I just can't.
How can one be okay when that one person whom you thought would stay with you no matter what just decided to drop everything that has got to do with you and just move on? How can one be okay when you're told right in your face that he's in love with someone else and that he can't be with you anymore. How can one be okay when despite everything you still want to hold on and fight for him, but he has given up already...given up on you and given up on the idea of you two being together.
We've been thru a hell lot. Our relationship is far from being perfect. But despite that, we still find ourselves back together. And I know we can still get through this, this time. But like what he said, things just happened. It was so fast it was like everything happened in a blink of an eye. And now, he wants to take a chance with someone else because he had enough of us. I was hoping he would reconsider and think about our love for another...but what's to think about when his love for her is much greater than what he has for me.
It hurts...it really, really hurts.
I am not posting this here to make people hate him. He has gone thru a lot too...and yes maybe, for him it's really time to just let go. He said he wants to heal from all I've put him through. I do to...but as husband and wife, I know we can do this together. But he doesn't want me in the picture anymore.
It hurts so much I feel like dying. Each day I find it harder to breathe and accept that the man I've been with for 22 years decided to finally let go. I wanted to keep him, and stay with him. But I know it's not what he wants. I love him so much that there's no other way but to let him go and let him pursue whatever it is or whoever that makes him happy right now. I wish I'd be that one, but I am not.
If you took time to read this post, thank you very much. Please pray for us, that we'd be able to get through this. Together or not, we both deserve to be happy. But I'd be a hypocrite not to ask you to please pray that we'll still end up together. I love him so much...I am willing to put all of these behind and start a new. I know it's been too long already, but it's never too late. I know it's not. But maybe it is for him because he already lost his love for me.
I can't promise that I'd still be able to post on this blog. I will try my best. For now, I just don't feel like doing so. Things get harder for me everyday. I know I'll get through this, but it will take time. Besides, it's not every day that you get to lose someone you love so I hope you would understand. And I know you would.
Sorry for spoiling your holidays with this post. I just need to let this out.
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13 comments:
I am so sorry to hear that you're going through something this horrible, especially right before the holidays.
You deserve to be treated far better than that. I hope you can move forward and find peace and happiness in your life. I know I don't know you personally but if you ever just need to vent, please feel free to reach out. I'd be glad to listen. :hugs:
I know my 7 years would not compare to your 22 years. He was my first love,first everything. Broke my heart when he fell in love with somebody else when he was in the US. I forgave him despite everything but he chose her instead. But it doesnt matter now. I fell in love with a friend and moved to New Zealand with him. I was not a prisoner of his shadow anymore. You will be okay I promise.
I'm just one of your blog lurkers but I couldn't help but feel sad and surprised about this post. I hope everything goes well for you in the end. Someday, you will be happy again. Just don't give up. Take care!
Jheng. I have always been a silent reader of your blog but this time, I cannot stop myself from posting a comment. I don't know what words to say that would somehow ease the pain you have in your heart. Please do not forget that you still have Him and in Him and with Him, everything will be okay. I want to hug you right now.
Just go with the flow, don't hold back. Don't hold him back. Embrace your sadness, linger in your pain, and then, when your cheeks dried out of tears, and your eyes do not have any tears left to shed, move on. Give a silent prayer, have a closure, and then move on. Hard I know, pero teh, move on lang talaga. Be open to new changes, and while doing so, take care of yourself, extra care. Hugs.
I am one of your silent reader and I feel your pain...A lot of us out there share the same experience and pain...iiyak mo lng lahat..after several months maybe try to get up and find a new hobby...and you will be found by another person...trust me :)
This is so sad... but hang in there and keep the faith. God has a reason for this and you will find out in His perfect timing. Will pray for you, sis! Take care of yourself!
April
Hi there! And like a lot of us here, I am also a silent reader of your blog for years now. I wish someday you will find another happiness too, whether it is by yourself, with another person or through something else. But more importantly, I wish for you to find the strength that lies within you to endure what you are going through and move forward.
Hi IAMBRIGITTE!! Do not worry.. Time heals a broken heart.. Like you ive been there.. It is hard, yes. the pain it hurts a lot, the tears wont stop, at first. But when you learned to accept the pain and thought about the good memories as well as the bad. and the lessons you have learned from that.. You might not understand now the reasons why, but in time you will.. you just have to trust in God and pray..
You are strong, believe in yourself that you'll get over him..and one day you will be happy and smiling again..
Jheng! Napacomment ako bigla. Hugsssss!! Cry if you must. Hanggang kelan ka iiyak? Hindi ko rin alam. Pero things will get better one day. Just hold on. Praying for you. :)
Hugs to you!
Hi Jheng,
It is hard to go through a situation like that, being married myself I cannot fathom or even begin to imagine what you're feeling and what you've been through. Like others have said you have no other choice but to continue to pray and better/take care of yourself. Remember we only have one shot at this life and we must choose to live happily, I know this is easy for me to say as I'm not in your situation but I'm a firm believer that we chose our partner for a reason. And we must remember that reason from time to time.
I wish you all the best in the future, be strong, be happy as you are continuously blessed!
BBUK
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